What Do You Think About While Canoodling?

Women love to talk. The current (third) Mrs. Hornibastard is no exception. During a recent, post-canoodling cuddle session she abruptly asked me, “What do you like to think about while we’re making love?”  Naturally, I assumed this was a trick question and began frantically searching for a safe, plausible response.  Before I could answer, she […]

A Lifetime Spent Thundering Down the Highway to Hell

I found the on-ramp to the Highway to Hell when I was very young. Back then, I was still poor and still innocent (at least innocent compared to the jaded, “been everywhere, done everything and fucked everybody” beast I eventually became). I had no appreciation of the emotional wilderness I was about to enter as […]

The Life and Times of Reverend Hornibastard

The Very Reverend Hornibastard 1952: Motivated by a profoundly infantile urge to be near his mama, Reverend Hornibastard is born in Texas within sight of the Alamo.   1955: At the tender age of three, the intrepid future deacon of depravity begins shaving and sprouts thick mats of pubic hair in all the right places and […]

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