What Do You Think About While Canoodling?

Women love to talk. The current (third) Mrs. Hornibastard is no exception. During a recent, post-canoodling cuddle session she abruptly asked me, “What do you like to think about while we’re making love?”  Naturally, I assumed this was a trick question and began frantically searching for a safe, plausible response.  Before I could answer, she […]

What’s a Nice Muslim Girl Like You Doing in a Swimsuit Like This?

What’s a nice Muslim girl like you doing in a swimsuit like this? The woman now known as Mrs. Hornibastard #3 (we will call her “Anisa” in this story) was born and raised in an overwhelmingly Muslim village among the terraced rice paddies of East Java. Like everyone else in her village, she was accustomed […]

Reverend Hornibastard’s Coronavirus Fashion Tips

Reverend Hornibastard’s Coronavirus Fashion Tips Just because we should all wear masks to protect ourselves from the viruses others are spreading and to protect others from the viruses we may be carrying and spreading, that doesn’t mean we have to throw fashion out the window. Now, more than ever, it is important that we retain […]

Finally . . . Ejector Pants®!

Finally – Ejector Pants . . . For decades, you’ve been able to open your garage door with a remote. Likewise, you can turn your TVs on and off, raise and lower the volume and change channels without getting off the couch. You can start your car’s engine, lock and unlock the doors and open […]

Priests with Knockers?

Priests with knockers, if properly attired, could boost dwindling church attendance. REUTERS – (Santa Monica, California) The Holy Roman Catholic Church has not yet lifted its ban on women in the clergy. Nevertheless, a maverick priest in Southern California has already ordained four women as full-fledged members of the clergy. Father Les Dewette, the renegade […]


(A Late Night Cable TV Reality Game Show) [The lively Splooge Countdown game show musical theme cranks up as the Klieg lights come on illuminating the brightly colored set. The audience applauds enthusiastically as the curtains at the rear of the set part briefly and the host, a young man wearing a fashionable dark blazer […]

The Life and Times of Reverend Hornibastard

The Very Reverend Hornibastard 1952: Motivated by a profoundly infantile urge to be near his mama, Reverend Hornibastard is born in Texas within sight of the Alamo.   1955: At the tender age of three, the intrepid future deacon of depravity begins shaving and sprouts thick mats of pubic hair in all the right places and […]

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